Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you today to discuss a grave threat to our nation's security. The menace of al-Qaida, the threats of homegrown terrorists and nutjobs and the hazards posed by shadowy forces within our own government pale in comparison to the danger posed by something most of us have in our own homes. The peril promised by this common household device is such that it will spring upon us unawares, destroying livelihoods and threatening household sanitation.

I speak, of course, of the microwave oven.

Sure, the last couple of weeks have been consumed with news of Obama announcing, Biden bungling and Anna Nicole shuffling off this mortal coil (much to the delight of dead pool players everywhere). But one of the truly important stories may have flown beneath your radar unless you watch one of the several thousand 24-hour news channels, where it was treated with the gravity and summoning of experts usually reserved for asteroid impacts or celebrity weddings.

For various legal reasons, I can't go into specifics, but suffice it to say that the story broke that putting a certain household cleaning appliance in your microwave for a certain length of time could kill 99 percent of all bacteria, viruses, parasites, spores, door-to-door magazine salesmen and 24-hour news channel hosts. OK, that last isn't quite proven yet, but I have faith in the power of human curiosity.

What happened next is the classic example of the dangers of a little knowledge.

All around the world, hygiene-oriented homeowners and apartment dwellers tossed items into their Radaranges and let the magic healing waves destroy microorganisms by the millions. Of course, following the logic of my dear old dad, who once used so much Miracle-Gro he grew dwarf marigolds 4 feet tall, a few intrepid souls decided they wanted their micro-bugs really dead and extra-crispy and set their microwaves for a long cook.

The resulting fires quickly drove the initial story into that sort of oblivion news organizations usually save for times when their featured "Father of the Year" winner turns out to be the same fellow known for hanging out at the local playground in a trench coat. The story disappeared in hours from all electronic media, existing only in the infamous Google cache and on collector sites like my personal favorite, Fark, where the discussion thread reached epic proportions.

The punch line is that the operation described in the story is something that's been done for years. I can remember my mom doing it back in the days when microwave ovens were best operated from behind the safety of a lead apron. Devotees of "Hints from Heloise" and other happy-homemaker sources have made it a part of their daily kitchen routine for years. However, once the general public got its mitts on the information, disaster ensued.

It's somewhat akin to skydiving. People who really want to skydive will take classes, learn how to jump properly and when to open the chute and how to fill out a living will. If you just go handing out parachutes willy-nilly, the splat of falling bodies will soon become as common as crickets singing on a summer night.

Ah, the perils of the Information Age.

What's For Dinner?

There's a good reason advertisers court the "foodie" demographic: Most of us have a fair chunk of disposable income we're more than willing to part with for food-related indulgences. However, a luxury dinner in Bangkok pushed the envelope.

Featuring Perigord truffles, Kobe beef tartare and Beluga caviar, the 10-course meal came in at $25,000 per person, not including tip. It was a sellout.

I didn't see an Ultimate Cheeseburger or order of fried cheese curds on the menu anywhere, so I don't know what all the shouting was about.

What's weird in your world? Drop me a line, anytime!