I'm feeling pretty gloomy about the end of 2005.

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year, and yet I have this nagging feeling no one wants to return the favor. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just disappointed in the negativity that surrounds me this holiday season.

In my last column I explored my husband preferring me to stay at home over going out on occasion with my girlfriends. I quickly received several e-mails telling me my marriage is doomed, that I'm an immature fool and worse.

One reader even bet me money that I'd be divorced within several years.

I've developed a pretty thick skin. I have been told many times that I have no clue what I'm talking about and that I'm a bad girlfriend, fiancee and wife.

Maybe it's the holiday blues that have gotten us all down. I know I'm not feeling my most chipper.

I just want to know: Why do people want me to fail? Why do people want to tell me my future is bleak?

It was enough that my husband complained about Christmas for months in advance, that my mom was upset I wasn't spending enough time with the family, that my friends have given me a hard time that I can't see them that much. I have heard as many caustic comments as I thought I could handle.

Then I made the mistake of posting my thoughts on my evolving case of baby fever on a message board full of "supportive" women who also are trying.

I wasn't looking for friends or cheerleaders, just a way to pass the time with some other baby-obsessed people who don't want to bother their friends and husbands about "trying" all the time.

I found some support, but I began to notice more and more know-it-all comments about how I was just dreaming and was just like every other woman that left a bad taste in my mouth.

It's silly to take any of these comments to heart, because I don't know any of the people who write to me. I just wonder why there is so much anger out there.

So as the new year approaches and I think about my resolutions, I just want to send out a message to all the haters: Take care of yourself first.

Just as I strive to find my own happiness, that's all I wish for other people. I am not always the most cheery person to be around, but this year I'm committing myself to finding happiness and not lashing out at the others who already have.

I haven't figured out exactly what I want out of life yet, and maybe I never will. But I'm more than happy to share those thoughts with anyone who will read and welcome all insights -- positive and negative.

So keep those insults coming if they make you feel better. I'll be here to read and respond.

I'll also be spending less time worrying about making all the others happy. Then maybe I can actually have that happy new year I always hope to enjoy.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.