Did you ever notice that women's magazines focus on making men happy, whereas men's magazines also highlight ways to make men happy?

My friend Larry pointed this out to me recently.

While it's not shocking news, the situation makes me wonder whether women put men first too often because they hope to outdo the next girl in line.

Women read about how to cook the perfect meal, rock his world (if you know what I mean) and generally spoil their men, while men are perusing articles about building big muscles, which car is right for them and generally spoiling themselves.

Certainly a big part of the reason for men to look better is to attract women, but we women are spending too much time worrying about not only hunting men down, but keeping them.

I always thought I should make myself happy first and then work on him, not vice versa.

I realize it is hard to find good men, but does that mean that any guy who falls for us will drop us for a woman who cooks a better meal or has mastered the top 10 pleasure points?

Perhaps now that I've chosen my mate formally with marriage, I don't feel the need to spend time on making him happy. I stopped reading many of the major women's magazines when I realized that each month I was reading the same articles, just written differently.

I have read about pleasing him so many times that I know it by heart -- and that those tricks don't necessarily work. I have excelled at quizzes about my skills, tried the recipes for those special nights and considered snapping up the lingerie the glossies say all men want.

I checked out men's magazines several times and saw that perhaps I need to dress up in a firefighter costume or schoolgirl attire now and then.

I even read about learning how to read his mind, but I haven't quite mastered that. (And I don't want to spend that much time with his visions of chicken wings and exotic women.)

My husband, at times, has accused me of thinking about myself first, but I believe I'm always taking him into consideration when I make dinner or do his laundry and other tasks my inner feminist wrinkles her nose at in disgust.

While I don't mind spoiling him, I can't compete with the exes who served him in the past. These girls adored him, as I have heard from multiple sources close to him. He basically ran the show, and they catered to his whims.

That is simplifying it, of course, but he has even told me his relationships were imbalanced. So when I roll my eyes at his suggestion I give him a foot rub, it looks like I'm the one being difficult. Where's my massage?

After all of this reading and thinking and more reading, I think I've finally figured it out. Making someone happy can't be found in a magazine.

It is fun to read about that stuff and try to pinpoint where we went wrong in the past or why a current endeavor isn't working. But it's more of a game than a solution.

When it comes to my man, making him happy is simple, despite my overanalysis and talks with my girlfriends who also struggle.

My husband is happy when I'm with him. Sometimes that means watching TV, cooking dinner, sleeping next to him while he snores or doing nothing at all.

Did I mention I do all of the above wearing my French maid costume?

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.