We all know how the storybook goes. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, get married and have a white picket fence.
Times have changed so much that it's usually more like girl meets boy, doesn't like boy and then meets another boy who doesn't like her. There is also a good chance said girl has her own house and career.
So, how are you to survive the dating game in this ever-changing society?
Keep your head on straight, said
Katherin Scott, who calls herself the Dating Coach.
Scott says that while society has changed and people have become more independent, meeting a mate has not become more difficult.
It's all in your mindset, she said.
"If you think it's hard to meet someone, it will be."
Scott thinks the world is full of potential mates for every type of person.
"It is a candy store out there and there are tons of amazing single people," she said. "You just have to know how to go about it."
Become A 10
Before you even imagine dating, Scott said to bring other things in your life to the point where you want to be. If you would only rate your happiness a 5 on a 1-to-10 scale, expect to find a 5 in a mate. If you want a perfect 10, make yourself a perfect 10.
"You are only as good as people in your life, and they are a reflection of you. If you think you are broken, others will think you are broken and that is who you will attract," Scott said.
Don't expect a relationship to bring you to a 10, either, Scott said. A relationship should be an extra thing that adds to your life, not something you think will complete you.
Toni Coleman,a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, said you cannot communicate and successfully negotiate your way into a healthy and intimate relationship if you aren't comfortable with yourself.
"It takes adequate self-awareness, a fairly healthy self-esteem and an ability to know what you want and an ability to work towards achieving it," she said.
Figure Out What You Want, Don't Settle
Scott said before you run out the door on the prowl, know what you want.
"You wouldn't buy a car or a house without doing research," she said. "Too many people think a relationship is a fantasy or an illusion. It is a business plan like anything else."
Coleman said to decide what you must have in your future relationship and what you cannot accept. What's in between is what you have to work with.
"Between these two is a lot of area where you can be open to possibilities you hadn't yet explored," she said.
"Never settle for not getting your non-negotiable needs. No matter how weird they are, they are yours," Scott said. "If your faith is your passion and your future partner must share your beliefs, then so be it."
But don't go overboard with things you must have. Being too picky can be a bad thing, Coleman said.
She believes people who are that way are afraid of intimacy or may have unresolved feelings for someone else.
Get Out The Door
Scott said you can meet people everywhere, once you know what you want and program your mind.
"You can walk outside your door and see potential mates everywhere," she said.
Once you understand you own value system, go to venues that support those values.
If you like hiking, go on group hikes. If you like to ski, go to a singles ski resort.
"Pursuing something you are passionate about or interested in can be one of the best places to meet a mate," Coleman said.
But, only go to a bar if you are a bar fly and want the same in the mate.
"You will meet the type of people that value that particular venue," Scott said.
Scott doesn't encourage taking referrals from friends and family.
"Then you have to report back, and what if you think he was a jerk?" she said.
Scott thinks online dating is a wonderful way to meet people. But make sure your profile isn't lame, or you will attract lame people. Spruce it up and be assertive. "Don't wait for people to message you. Type away," she said.
But be safe and meet in public places and make sure you get recent pictures ahead of time, she said.
"As long as you are both available, looking for similar things from a relationship and there is a fairly equal measure of respect and power, any meeting can turn into a great way to have met," Coleman said.
Pitfalls To Avoid
When you are ready for a date, keep it simple and do coffee. This gives you a way to exit if it goes bad and allows you the chance to talk.
Coleman said to be your best self right off the bat -- don't show all your warts and flaws at once.
"Let them reveal themselves over time, and if the relationship is short-lived you will have to reveal less," she said.
Keep in mind that everyone is usually on their best behavior on their first date, so beware if there is a hangup from the start.
"It is only downhill from there," Scott said. "If there is something you don't like, it will only get worse."
If it's the opposite and you are head-over-heels, recognize that this could be the famous honeymoon phase, so don't jump in too fast.
Scott said it is actually chemicals clouding your brain, which don't typically disperse for three to four months.
"After a month anyone is going to look like an angel," she said, adding that quick-moving relationships do not usually work out and just land you back at square 1.
If dating isn't working out for you, take a break.
"Stop and so some personal work," she said. "If you are burnt out, something is not working for you."
And if it hurts, that is OK, too.
"You need to have pain in order to make changes," she said.
More Info:3 Steps For Better Verbal Intimacy Romance Requires More Than Love Beauty Tips For Every Season Beauty Can't Be Beat Beauty, Wealth As Relationship Indicators Beauty From Inside Out I Do, However ...Distributed by Internet Broadcasting. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
